When facing any situation in life, there are three questions that everyone should have handy in their arsenal of tools; they are useful and empowering.
To get to the heart of the matter, I must share a very popular, short, prayer-like poem, to which they can be almost directly correlated: the ubiquitous and oft-quoted Serenity Prayer:
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference."
Having a great many friends and acquaintances in recovery, I've heard this prayer numerous times in conjunction with their individual difficulties and their recoveries and I took the liberty of borrowing it and trying it on in my own life to see if I could get as much mileage out of it. It is a powerful little mantra, but after awhile, I realized it was only doing half the job.
You can certainly employ it's principles to make headway through any simple, or complex set of circumstances, issues, or problems you might be facing, however, its teaching is but a jumping-off point. You can, after contemplating it's application to your case, sit motionless, even paralyzed with and by inaction when considering your situation through the lens of the prayer.
Please do not be quick to judge, or misunderstand. I am not knocking the Serenity Prayer, it is beautifully economic of words, it cuts with clarity and simplicity to the heart of any situation, large, or small; however, it's economy stops short at Knowledge's Gate ... and you can be sure that knowledge is only half the trip to anywhere.
Now that you have prayed the prayer and identified "the things you cannot change," and have faced those with God-given poise and serenity - you are left with facing the mustering of "the courage to change the things I can." What is necessary, beyond "the wisdom to know the difference," is ACTION.
What exactly are the things you can, and cannot, change? How do you get to those - identify them - and then decide upon the best, most proper, or most likely correct, course of action?
When facing any challenging situation, there will be, contained within the situation, events, circumstances, conditions, beliefs and emotions over which you cannot act, or exert yourself to bring about the results you wish to see. Those results are completely out of your power to affect. The only empowering course of action in situations such as these is to 'let go' with equanimity. Put those things from your mind. Accept them, if not tolerate them, and find your peace in knowing there is nothing you can do to further your aims and goals. Make peace with being in the realm of the uncertain. It is not such a bad place when you can embrace it and face it with patience and tolerance, and there is freedom to be found in it, as you Await the Will of Heaven.
The other side of this coin is that there will also be, contained within that same situation: circumstances, events, conditions, beliefs and emotions over which your actions can work to bring about the result you wish for. Those things are completely in your power to influence.
Here is where my 3 questions come in to play. First, you must break the situation down into all of its constituent parts and ask about each: Is this within my power to change? Is it within my direct ability to change this immediately?
If I cannot ensure the outcome through my own actions, might I be able to 'influence' others to help make the changes I want to see?
Lastly, if there is nothing I can do, or say, to change the course of events, who can I face this with equanimity and serenity and give it up to God, or whatever power you believe can serve as a receptacle for the "things I cannot change."
The third question, and one which at its surface, may appear to be the least important question, may, in fact, be the most important: Is this (which I can do) for the greatest and highest good for all concerned? If the answer is yes, then, by all means, proceed; do not pass "Go" do not "Go to Jail."
If you believe that the answer is NO, then by all means, stop. Cease and desist... and re-evaluate again.
If the answer is unclear, and you cannot be certain of a positive outcome for everyone, but you must make a decision -- knowing that you are making that decision based on your desire for the best outcome for everyone, is the greatest good to which one can aspire in any decision-making process.
So, my friends, that is my little secret.
Can I affect this situation through word or action? If so, proceed. If not, bless it and let it go, hoping for an outcome close to what you hope to see. And always, make sure, your intentions are good. Whether you can effect a change, or not is almost not even really the main thing: The path to hell may be paved with good intentions, but the path to Heaven is always flanked by the good-spirited.
God Grant me the Serenity to Accept the things I cannot change, the Courage to Change the things I can, the Wisdom to Distinguish the difference and the serenity, courage and wisdom to know the steps I must take to see the things I can affect to their conclusion.
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
Fat Girls - Enraged at Receipt
Thursday, December 6, 2012
Stockton, California
Three girlfriends go out to a local restaurant/bar for dinner and drinks, order at the bar and then go forage for a table. When their bill arrives, they are enraged and offended when they notice the receipt says: FAT GIRLS. (read the full story here: http://gma.yahoo.com/blogs/abc-blogs/customers-called-fat-girls-restaurant-bill-165554715--abc-news-topstories.html
After reading the story and the comments, I think "much ado about nothing!"
It is amazing to see how many people have been offended, but more than that, I'm surprised at how many people have drawn assumptive conclusions.
Three 'fat girls' stopped at a bar to order drinks and food, and did not run a tab, but went to find a table.
Bartenders in such places (at 8:54 p.m. on a Thursday night, Dec 6) are normally super busy.
Since they may have no knowledge of table numbers or (even if they do) where you might finally sit your "fat" arse... their particular bartender made a note that would make it clear for HIM/HER to remember -- something that would enable him to identify these girls/women to the wait staff when their order was up.
A bartender would label them something "unique" to them vis-a-vis the others in the bar at that moment (some of whom may have ordered food at the bar, too)... maybe... 3 redheads.
Would you go off the deep end if truth is you are a redhead? What if he had said the bleach blonde, or the man with eye patch, mother with 2 kids, or 3 fat girls? Are these statements REALLY insulting, or more specifically, even, potentially, untrue?
Obviously, the women WERE fat, or he'd have labeled them something else obvious about them. He did label them something immediately apparent about them, not something offensive or derogatory as suggested in a comment given at the site listed above (The 3 Pigs).
So they WERE fat... so what? Is noticing that an offense? Is noting it offensive?
Everywhere you go, in our culture, people notice your physicality -- it is a sign of your overall health, vitality, energy, lifestyle, attitudes and mental state, and it reflects your commitment to yourself.
So what?
Well for starters, if you don't like, or aren't comfortable, with the statement your FATNESS makes about the overall YOU.. THEN CHANGE IT!!
But -- Let your body say for you... what the bartender wrote and you go off the deep end about it??
He didn't say 3 fat "ugly" chicks. Ugly is a judgment. He made no judgment with his note; he merely described what he saw, in shorthand, so he could identify them to the wait staff. He wrote A FACT about this group.
No reason to get your panties up in a wad.
What can this story mean to us all now? Suddenly Black Couple is racist? Fat Girls is offensive? Gay couple is discriminatory? Where do we draw the line over this overly-sensitive bullshit...?
Don't we have better things to do with our time? Like waste time even having this to blog about???
Maybe some people only sit home eating bon-bons and waiting for a lawsuit to make them happy..
I'd have laughed and ordered another milkshake!!!
Maybe this was a wake-up call from the universe for these 3 fat girls who might currently be headed for a head-on collision with heart attacks... Maybe it is a message to all of us to take responsibility for our decision and to stop blaming others for how badly we feel about ourselves. Blame your fork! Blame the hand that guides that fork to your mouth! Find the root cause for your unhappy condition and deal with it directly, rather than blaming others for noticing what you have already shouted out loud and clear!
As for me, it's time to celebrate this moment of awareness (without food).
Hurray for Fat Girls, Redheads, Bleach Blondes, Men with eyepatches, Bald guys, Mothers with kids, Old ladies, Old men, Black Couples, Bartenders who notice the obvious about us and make note of it, etc. etc. etc. As a matter of fact, Hurray for us all... and Hurray for us all.. who can afford to eat out!
Stockton, California
Three girlfriends go out to a local restaurant/bar for dinner and drinks, order at the bar and then go forage for a table. When their bill arrives, they are enraged and offended when they notice the receipt says: FAT GIRLS. (read the full story here: http://gma.yahoo.com/blogs/abc-blogs/customers-called-fat-girls-restaurant-bill-165554715--abc-news-topstories.html
After reading the story and the comments, I think "much ado about nothing!"
It is amazing to see how many people have been offended, but more than that, I'm surprised at how many people have drawn assumptive conclusions.
Three 'fat girls' stopped at a bar to order drinks and food, and did not run a tab, but went to find a table.
Bartenders in such places (at 8:54 p.m. on a Thursday night, Dec 6) are normally super busy.
Since they may have no knowledge of table numbers or (even if they do) where you might finally sit your "fat" arse... their particular bartender made a note that would make it clear for HIM/HER to remember -- something that would enable him to identify these girls/women to the wait staff when their order was up.
A bartender would label them something "unique" to them vis-a-vis the others in the bar at that moment (some of whom may have ordered food at the bar, too)... maybe... 3 redheads.
Would you go off the deep end if truth is you are a redhead? What if he had said the bleach blonde, or the man with eye patch, mother with 2 kids, or 3 fat girls? Are these statements REALLY insulting, or more specifically, even, potentially, untrue?
Obviously, the women WERE fat, or he'd have labeled them something else obvious about them. He did label them something immediately apparent about them, not something offensive or derogatory as suggested in a comment given at the site listed above (The 3 Pigs).
So they WERE fat... so what? Is noticing that an offense? Is noting it offensive?
Everywhere you go, in our culture, people notice your physicality -- it is a sign of your overall health, vitality, energy, lifestyle, attitudes and mental state, and it reflects your commitment to yourself.
So what?
Well for starters, if you don't like, or aren't comfortable, with the statement your FATNESS makes about the overall YOU.. THEN CHANGE IT!!
But -- Let your body say for you... what the bartender wrote and you go off the deep end about it??
He didn't say 3 fat "ugly" chicks. Ugly is a judgment. He made no judgment with his note; he merely described what he saw, in shorthand, so he could identify them to the wait staff. He wrote A FACT about this group.
No reason to get your panties up in a wad.
What can this story mean to us all now? Suddenly Black Couple is racist? Fat Girls is offensive? Gay couple is discriminatory? Where do we draw the line over this overly-sensitive bullshit...?
Don't we have better things to do with our time? Like waste time even having this to blog about???
Maybe some people only sit home eating bon-bons and waiting for a lawsuit to make them happy..
I'd have laughed and ordered another milkshake!!!
Maybe this was a wake-up call from the universe for these 3 fat girls who might currently be headed for a head-on collision with heart attacks... Maybe it is a message to all of us to take responsibility for our decision and to stop blaming others for how badly we feel about ourselves. Blame your fork! Blame the hand that guides that fork to your mouth! Find the root cause for your unhappy condition and deal with it directly, rather than blaming others for noticing what you have already shouted out loud and clear!
As for me, it's time to celebrate this moment of awareness (without food).
Hurray for Fat Girls, Redheads, Bleach Blondes, Men with eyepatches, Bald guys, Mothers with kids, Old ladies, Old men, Black Couples, Bartenders who notice the obvious about us and make note of it, etc. etc. etc. As a matter of fact, Hurray for us all... and Hurray for us all.. who can afford to eat out!
Thursday, February 9, 2012
On not beginning
So day before yesterday I thought that I would pick a topic... something I knew a little something about, or maybe didn't know enough about, (as would be the case with this) and begin writing up on it.
So just now, I finally bookmarked the link on "overcoming procrastination." As I bookmarked the page and closed it down, it struck me as more than comical that I had even procrastinated about procrastination.
Of course I have a perfectly good reason, which I'll go into greater detail on later, but I'll leave that for later. Not redundant, only procrastinatorial. (Am I allowed to coin terms here? Is that considered creative license, or butchering the English language.) I'll look that up after I take a brief snooze.
I'll have to go now, though. More on this topic later; first, I have to get a few winks because I procrastinated going to sleep and it is now 6:12 a.m.
So just now, I finally bookmarked the link on "overcoming procrastination." As I bookmarked the page and closed it down, it struck me as more than comical that I had even procrastinated about procrastination.
Of course I have a perfectly good reason, which I'll go into greater detail on later, but I'll leave that for later. Not redundant, only procrastinatorial. (Am I allowed to coin terms here? Is that considered creative license, or butchering the English language.) I'll look that up after I take a brief snooze.
I'll have to go now, though. More on this topic later; first, I have to get a few winks because I procrastinated going to sleep and it is now 6:12 a.m.
Sunday, February 5, 2012
On Beginning
I have only contemplated beginning a blog. Not knowing the exact shape to which it should conform, I have ever procrastinated taking the necessary steps; however, aware that I must write, I have decided at last to put pen to paper, or lithe fingers to keyboard, without clear direction or course. Without any preconceived notion as to where the adventure may take us, I will set down ideas on a range of topics as the mood strikes me; observations on the ludicrous, or bizarre; Philosophies that inspire me, politics that enrage; along with secrets of the overlooked simplicities of life and its 'hidden' meanings. Nothing too sacred to be torn down, studied and reconstructed, nothing to banal or low to be unworthy.
Rather than focus on any particular topic, I will write on anything that amuses my muse, captures my fancy, or aggravates me beyond annoyance.
I can only hope that what I scribble here might be as amusing, informative, inspiring, or enlightening to you.
Rather than focus on any particular topic, I will write on anything that amuses my muse, captures my fancy, or aggravates me beyond annoyance.
I can only hope that what I scribble here might be as amusing, informative, inspiring, or enlightening to you.
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