When facing any situation in life, there are three questions that everyone should have handy in their arsenal of tools; they are useful and empowering.
To get to the heart of the matter, I must share a very popular, short, prayer-like poem, to which they can be almost directly correlated: the ubiquitous and oft-quoted Serenity Prayer:
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference."
Having a great many friends and acquaintances in recovery, I've heard this prayer numerous times in conjunction with their individual difficulties and their recoveries and I took the liberty of borrowing it and trying it on in my own life to see if I could get as much mileage out of it. It is a powerful little mantra, but after awhile, I realized it was only doing half the job.
You can certainly employ it's principles to make headway through any simple, or complex set of circumstances, issues, or problems you might be facing, however, its teaching is but a jumping-off point. You can, after contemplating it's application to your case, sit motionless, even paralyzed with and by inaction when considering your situation through the lens of the prayer.
Please do not be quick to judge, or misunderstand. I am not knocking the Serenity Prayer, it is beautifully economic of words, it cuts with clarity and simplicity to the heart of any situation, large, or small; however, it's economy stops short at Knowledge's Gate ... and you can be sure that knowledge is only half the trip to anywhere.
Now that you have prayed the prayer and identified "the things you cannot change," and have faced those with God-given poise and serenity - you are left with facing the mustering of "the courage to change the things I can." What is necessary, beyond "the wisdom to know the difference," is ACTION.
What exactly are the things you can, and cannot, change? How do you get to those - identify them - and then decide upon the best, most proper, or most likely correct, course of action?
When facing any challenging situation, there will be, contained within the situation, events, circumstances, conditions, beliefs and emotions over which you cannot act, or exert yourself to bring about the results you wish to see. Those results are completely out of your power to affect. The only empowering course of action in situations such as these is to 'let go' with equanimity. Put those things from your mind. Accept them, if not tolerate them, and find your peace in knowing there is nothing you can do to further your aims and goals. Make peace with being in the realm of the uncertain. It is not such a bad place when you can embrace it and face it with patience and tolerance, and there is freedom to be found in it, as you Await the Will of Heaven.
The other side of this coin is that there will also be, contained within that same situation: circumstances, events, conditions, beliefs and emotions over which your actions can work to bring about the result you wish for. Those things are completely in your power to influence.
Here is where my 3 questions come in to play. First, you must break the situation down into all of its constituent parts and ask about each: Is this within my power to change? Is it within my direct ability to change this immediately?
If I cannot ensure the outcome through my own actions, might I be able to 'influence' others to help make the changes I want to see?
Lastly, if there is nothing I can do, or say, to change the course of events, who can I face this with equanimity and serenity and give it up to God, or whatever power you believe can serve as a receptacle for the "things I cannot change."
The third question, and one which at its surface, may appear to be the least important question, may, in fact, be the most important: Is this (which I can do) for the greatest and highest good for all concerned? If the answer is yes, then, by all means, proceed; do not pass "Go" do not "Go to Jail."
If you believe that the answer is NO, then by all means, stop. Cease and desist... and re-evaluate again.
If the answer is unclear, and you cannot be certain of a positive outcome for everyone, but you must make a decision -- knowing that you are making that decision based on your desire for the best outcome for everyone, is the greatest good to which one can aspire in any decision-making process.
So, my friends, that is my little secret.
Can I affect this situation through word or action? If so, proceed. If not, bless it and let it go, hoping for an outcome close to what you hope to see. And always, make sure, your intentions are good. Whether you can effect a change, or not is almost not even really the main thing: The path to hell may be paved with good intentions, but the path to Heaven is always flanked by the good-spirited.
God Grant me the Serenity to Accept the things I cannot change, the Courage to Change the things I can, the Wisdom to Distinguish the difference and the serenity, courage and wisdom to know the steps I must take to see the things I can affect to their conclusion.
